I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
