Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
