I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
