Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
