I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
