This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
