i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
