I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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