Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
