is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
