Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
