Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
