how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
