24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
