adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
