it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
