he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
