half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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