I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
