Who wears a wallet chain?!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
