careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
