Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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