Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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