Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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