Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i will never coherently bang her
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
