he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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