i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
