Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
