My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
