Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
