new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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