found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I had to cum in my sink.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
