omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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