the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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