i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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