This is not my ceiling
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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