My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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