im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
