Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
