If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
