he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
