My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
