The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
