o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
