Do you still have your period?
false alarm. still invincible.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
