Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
