oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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