how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
