I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
