I hate your face
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
