hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
