It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
