Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
