you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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