Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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