Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
