Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
They took my balls.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
