i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
