just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
