they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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